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February 25, 2017, my little B passed peacefully. We miss him so dearly, but we know he's in a good place now. February 26, 2017, I cried all night and into the morning...I am still crying now, my precious baby I miss you so much. February 27, it's been 2 days since you left us. Mommy is so sad. I look for you little B, and then I look on your bed expecting to find you snoring there, and then you're not there, and I cry. I miss you so much. But I take comfort in knowing that we will see each other again. For now, Hana is with you and you two can play together, both healthy and restored. I love you. March 2, 2017, my little B, it's been 5 days since you passed. I'm so sad and lonely without you. My precious boy. I look for you at the door when I come home. You're not there, so I run upstairs hoping that you will be sleeping on your bed, and you're not there. How disappointed I am, how sad I am, and I cry. I feel so alone B. We've been through so much together. What am I going to do without you, B? I love you, my special boy. March 6, 2017 it's been a week and two days since you've been gone. I still have your bed in my bedroom. I look for you on your bed every morning and every night and say good night and good morning to you. I miss you so much. I remember I used to grill steaks for you and you'd be so happy savoring them your eyes would be wide open and smiling. I remember I shared everything I ate with you and you would lick the bowl or plate clean. I remember how you'd finish up mommy's yogurt in the container. I miss you boo. March 9, 2017 dear little B, it's almost 2 weeks this Saturday since you've left us. I miss you so much. Today went to see Barbara. I got to meet Rocco. He sat on my lap and leaned into me. He wasn't you B. I think Rocco knew I was hurting, he came to comfort me. Barbara said he doesn't climb on people and sit on their laps. I got a glimpse of your life and how fast dogs age compared to us. What happens to us in years, happen in just a matter of a year, a month, a week, a couple of days. I saw this in you. A week before you were trotting along the walkway. The next week, you were dragging your back legs and walking much slower than you did a week ago. You saw on Thursday, and then on Friday you were blind, there was hope, you were able to get around Friday afternoon, but Saturday you were blind again. You were scared to come down the stairs and you were scared walking around in the house, wondering what happened and why you couldn't see anymore. I know that you and Hana are up there now playing. I look forward to the day I see you and Hana again. Look for me....until then, I'll keep writing you in my letters I write in a journal to you and Hana. I love you. My little Benjamin. March 12, it's been 2 weeks since you've been gone. Everyday is a struggle to keep going on. You were my baby, the best I could ever ask for. You gave of yourself so freely, you were always happy, even when you were in pain. You were such a good good boy. I never thought i'd be blessed with such a special furbaby. God has truly blessed me. Play with Hana and have a good time. I hope to see you when I arrive at the rainbow bridge. Please look for me. But for now, my baby boy, have fun and play and seek new adventures. Mommy loves you. 3/19/2017 It's been 3 weeks since you've been gone. I miss you like it happened yesterday. I miss you my baby boy. There's so many things I remember and that remind me of you. I say good morning and goodnight to you and Hana each day. I still look for you on your bed or you greeting me at the door when I come home. I miss you so much. Mommy loves you. March 23, 2017 - dear little B, it's been almost 4 weeks since you've gone to heaven. I know you are happy and pain free now. But mommy misses you so much. I've brought new flowers for you. I love you, B, my precious boy. March 28, Tuesday, it's been 4 weeks since you've left us. I miss you so much. I remember the day we had to put you down. I think you knew too that you wanted to be released from the pain and suffering. That doesn't change the way I am feeling though. I wish you were still here, I wish you'd come back. We know how you love noodles. Daddy thought about you today. I cried just thinking of how much you used to enjoy your noodles. Today, I am not doing anything but thinking of you. Daddy will soon be going to work and mommy will be at home lonely and sad. We looked for another dog, but I don't think i'm ready for one yet. You were my all and I don't know if another one can be like my B. You were such a perfect boy. You were so good. Did you meet Abby? She died a few weeks before you. She's a beautiful yellow lab. Her mommy Joy wrote me today. I miss you so much boo. I love you. April 2, 2017: dear boo, it's been 5 weeks since you've been gone. Got the dining area emptied. Living room is full now. Been listening to a lot of audio books on dog stories. Helping me to look at things differently...than just sorrow. It still doesn't take the pain of losing you away. I hold your urn and I keep you close to me, but it's not like when you were here. I often touch your paw prints. Yesterday, I was thinking of you and how you were feeling the day we put you to sleep. I know it was for your good, keeping you alive would have been selfish of us. But I miss you so much boo. April 23, 2017: Happy Birthday, my precious boy. It's your 13th birthday Friday. You've been gone for 8 weeks. I spend most of the day crying. I think of you and then I turn to find you're not there. This morning I was brewing coffee and I thought you were behind me, I turned to give you a hug and then I realized, you're gone. I became so sad. I miss you my little one...my main man, my precious boy. June 25, 2017 Sunday: hi B, it's been 4 months since you've been gone and I still miss you as much as the day I had to say good bye to you. I've changed some flowers for you and the season to summer. It has been so hot here, I think summer is upon us now. It had a hard time getting started, it had been cold and windy for several weeks. Now, it's HOT! I love you B and I will never forget you. Christopher is here now, but he's not the same as having you. He's good company though. I think you would like him a lot B. I love you my little B. July 4, 2018, dear boo, it's the 4th of July. It's been 2 years this July 2nd, Monday, since Auntie Nechi passed away. A year and 4 months and a week since you passed. Christopher is still here. He is keeping mommy busy. I take him out for his walks and pee pee and poo poo run 3 times a day. He reminds me so much of Hana. Some of the things he does, reminds me so much of Hana, I wonder if he is Hana who came back to visit me. But I know she is at the Rainbow Bridge with you and you are waiting for me. I don't know what's going to happen to Christopher when I die. Hopefully, he will be in good hands or go to another home that will take just as good care of him as I do. He doesn't ride in the car like a good boy. He tries to climb over to the driver's seat. I put him in a crate in the backseat. He's got a new ride. We traded in Nechi's car for another Subaru, but daddy has it. I got daddy's car, a red Mazda 3. Can you believe it b? I'm driving a bright red car. I always talked about candy apple red, well, I'm driving it now. You never got to ride in the car when it was daddy's car. I wish you can ride in this car now B. Gosh B, you died 7 months after Nechi. Mommy's hand is still hurting. It's been 2 years February 25th. I go see Nechi and take her flowers every week. I will be doing that the rest of my life or until i can't drive anymore. I still have to put into rest you and Hana's ashes. I thought about the one place that I thought for sure was the place, but then I started thinking about the peninsula. We were there a few weeks ago. It's my favorite spot. I was thinking of splitting it up too. But I do have Jizo who holds you with him. Hana has a Jizo too. You will always be in my heart, physically and spiritually. There's more fire crackers popping this afternoon. I was going to take Christopher out early, but I wonder if he will go out because of the noise. He moved from his bed and then to under the desk. Now I'm carrying him and hugging him tight. He was shaking, but stopped after awhile. We went outside and he was fine. No one set off any fire crackers, so he was able to take his walk and go pee. I will take him out later on around 4pm and hope he goes out then. The later it gets, the more chances of him hearing that noise will be good. I miss you B. I think of you often and I get real sad. I cry. I love you, my little B. Please also visit Hana. |
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