we miss you terribly already. Life without you is broken. A lot doesn't make sense anymore.
I hope you are happy and safe wherever you ended up. Maybe you are back to being a cat. And maybe you are 1years old again, jumping around and chasing a red light?! We hope that there's a little friend with you too.

Pants misses you terribly. For the first few days he didn't know what was going on. He checked your bed a few times and was confused. Every now and then I find him looking around for you. Like you have found a really good hiding spot, and are just waiting for him to find you, jump out and surprise him. I wish that was the case. Because he is lost. Like his world doesn't make sense any more. Did I tell you he started to come out more and is less afraid of Jams? I think he is being brave because he wants to find you. You were his OG. The best big brother he could have. When he first came home he was sooooo afraid. Do you know he was shaking at the adoption center? We brought him home for you. Pants was supposed to stay in the bathroom for 2 weeks to get acclimated to the house, and to you. But you didn't care! You wanted someone to play with so bad you opened up and made him feel welcomed. 2 days later... yup 2 days later, Pants smelled you, and he darted out of the bathroom and you two started to chase each other, like you were both best buds. Christine and I were afraid at first, thinking this was a fight, but it was all love! He knew you were his new big brother. And that you were there to be his best friend. That's how special you were. How big your heart was. Pants wasn't ever going to feel not wanted. Because of you. Thank you for being the coolest non territorial chill cat.

Our doggy day care people told us that Jams was depressed this past week. Wasn't his usual self. He knows he missed out on the baddest big brother a dog could ever have. He got a good sense who you were though for over a year. He knew the minute he met you. While you could have hidden and run away when he came home, you were the calming one that assured him things were going to be okay. You were so brave, and you knew he was going to fit right in. He thanks you for not being afraid of him. And being so chill. You didn't get jealous when we spent time with Jams because you knew how much we loved you. He too is looking for you. He didn't want to let you go last week, and it was the first time he stepped outside the door when we were going to leave the house. He wanted to protect you. I am sorry you didn't get the chance to be in his life some more. He is almost as cool as you. He certainly has some big paws to fill. You have set the standard that is almost impossible to follow.

I told a lot of people about you and how you were the glue of this house. How you kept both Jams and Pants near by being always wanting to be near them. While they are still adjusting to each other, you were their gravity.

Your mom missed you so much and wishes you were around to squeeze again. While you and I had a special connection, she had a very special place in her heart just for you. She didn't realize how deep her love was for you. Do you remember how she used to fight to have you sleep by her? We used to fight for your love all the time.

Someone asked me what was my favorite memory of you and a few came to mind. The day we found you at the SPCA. We had just gotten there, and after looking around at other cats we found you. We held you, and it was a connection. We knew you were special. BTW, someone else, a couple, was thinking about adopting you and we ran to the clerk and told them we wanted you! I still have your adoption papers. When we brought you home, you were so scared. We kept you in that small bathroom of the first floor. Katze was so mean to you. She was curious about you, but didn't know how to act. All you wanted to do was play. Christine and I would come visit you every few hours to hold you and tell you things are going to be okay in your new home. about 10 days later, Katze finally let up, and you came out into the house. You were so excited. You had all of this energy. We had toys out and you were so happy to be with us. It's too bad Katze was a grumpy cat because she would have enjoyed having such a cool little brother.

Your favorite toy was the red pointer. You used to jump so high for that thing! I used to show you off to Christine! I used to say: look how how high Hans jumps! You loved that toy and the stick with the feather at the end. You didn't like the feather end. You liked the hard edge. That was your thing. Around and around we used to go with that toy. You loved chasing that stick and run around me. Those were some great play sessions. You used to play rough and let me know when I got to rough with you. I will always miss those play sessions with you. When you got older, I would try to bring out the same toys, and your heart was still wanting to play but your legs would give out. I was so sad. I didn't want to hurt you, even though I knew you still had heart to play, but your legs were getting weaker. Christine and I found those little play mice. You loved those toys. We must have gotten you dozens of them. You were so happy with those toys. And you used to meow like you were 10 years younger.

You know what I can't believe? When Christine and I went on vacation, we used to leave bowls out for you and Katze to munch on. We used to count the days we were gone and give you guys the right amount of food. You were so smart to not eat all the food. And we trusted you all alone for days! We never worried about you.

Just like when we traveled from San Francisco to Chicago. That was the other memory I had of you. Do you remember being in that bag and flying on a plane? It was your first plane ride. You had an accident after we got through to TSA and I remember Christine and I smelled something and found out that you got overwhelmed and had an accident. I took you to the men's room and took you out of the carrier and sat you on the baby changing area while I cleaned the carrier out. You were so still. People were looking at me and wondering how you stood so still and calm. That was my Hans. I knew you were going to be okay. Because you were okay when I took you to Goodby that one day. I had you in that same carrier, and you sat there half out just watching me work and were so curious. You are still the only one I have ever taken to work!

You were one tough guy. You lost three of your fangs, had a bump removed from your head, and I am pretty sure you had a broken toe at some point. You lived in San Francisco, Chicago, two different homes in Germany and traveled back to Chicago. You probably switched homes close to a dozen times. I was never worried about you. While I tell Christine I am her rock, you were mine. No matter how tough things got, I knew things were going to be okay because I had you to ground me. I don't know what I am going to do without you. Who is going to show me what tough is?

This is probably the toughest thing I have ever had to write. I don't know if you can tell how much you meant to all of us. Heck even during this weird work from home times, you were a staple on the screen. Bottom right in your bed! I wish you were still there!!!!

The other day Christine and I saw a rainbow after we talked about you. I don't know if that was you telling is that you are okay but I like to think so. We'll keep trying to talk to you because we really miss you. You are the son I never had. I am so proud of the man you became.

We love you Hans. You will forever be in our hearts and we will never forget you.

Forever your dad,
-Claudio

My Dear Hans,

I miss you so much. I miss your sweet eyes and how you always wanted to be close to us. You always had so much love to give to me and your dad, and to all the animals that came into your life: Katze, Chayanne, Pants & Jams. 

You were feisty and strong and also so sweet and snuggly. I will never forget all the times your dad and I fought over who would get to sleep next to you and how we  ended up taking turns.

One of my favorite memories is the day we first saw you, at the SPCA in San Francisco. I remember worrying that another couple may have chosen you first. But then we found out, we were the lucky parents. We were able to rescue you that day but what we didn't know then was how you would rescue us over the years. You eased our worries, sadness and loneliness. You made life easier, brighter and fuller.

I miss our days together and am so sorry that I did not give you as much attention in later years; I wish I could turn back the clock and do better. Please know, that I always loved you and will continue to hold that love for you; my heart has a special part reserved just for you.

My sweet, sweet boy, I hope you are at peace. You will forever be with us in our thoughts and heart.

Love, mom