December 18, 2021
Merry Christmas Sweetie! I'm having to rewrite this, it didn't save with 'apply changes', and 'Murphy's law' this is the one time I didn't copy the text. I'll try to remember most all that I wrote:
I wanted to include more items for you here: food, warm milk, a mouse catnip for you to chase, a ball of yarn for you to play with, more gifts, a blankey, but it only let me pick a couple of things for you. And I had to choose between a Christmas tree, a stocking for you or Santa. They didn't have anything for Thanksgiving, not even turkey, so I hope you liked your deck of cards and Teddy Bear. Christmas is not in my heart as it won't be the same without you, so we're not celebrating it this year. She-ra nudges your urn almost daily while I'm holding or patting it, and Sir nudges it often, I know you feel their hello's, they love you and miss you too! I still have six of your most favorite foods in the cupboard along side She-ra's and Sir's cat food. I'll make you a special treat of shredded salmon for Christmas dinner. I can't believe that in two months it will be one year from when God called you to the Rainbow Bridge. Mary (who has dementia) still asks about you, and still shares with me the time you crossed the street (five times in one day) to their house, two days before you passed, to say goodbye to her and Lady. I miss you so much my dear Lily, you are my bestest friend in the whole world. It was you and me against the world for sixteen years wasn't it!(^-^)
You're in my heart and on my mind every day. I'm adding two pictures of you last Christmas, one is your stocking and the other is you basking in the sun on Christmas Day. I don't see where I can share the video of you sniffing your gifts. I love you dearly my Sweet girl! Merry Christmas. XOXOXO 3 squeezes!

May 25, 2021
Happy Birthday my sweet Lily. You'd be 17 years young today. I still tear up when I think about you and I miss you so much. My life is still very empty without you. The two kitties miss you too. They're always looking for you. And they know your spot where you used to sleep and they sleep around it. They intuitively know they are not to even try to take your place. I still have your cat food for you on your shelf. Did you send the Tuxedo kitty to visit me to tell me you're okay? About one month after you left us a Tuxedo kitty showed up, it likes to play in the front yard. It hangs around a bit and then I assume it goes home. At first I had trouble with seeing it, I broke out balling a few times seeing it. Now, I try to talk to it and tell it it looks just like you; my Lily girl. And I tell it thank you for letting me know that you are okay and pain free on the rainbow bridge, but I still wish you were here with me. I love you Sweetie. Happy Birthday!

February 28, 2021
My very special girl died on February 26, 2021
Lily was going to be originally named 'Holly go lightly' because she has four white gloves (paws). But, getting to know her personality, I decided to name her Lily. She was a beautiful, spirited, sweet kitty cat to anyone who had the privilege of meeting her. What also leant to her name was that she was a wild child. She loved being outside amongst the trees and flowers from dawn to dusk and I'd have to coax and corral her indoors.

Lily really enjoyed the company of visiting dogs (Mocha and Scrappy) and other cat friends (Lucky, Dora, and Lady). She had great cat charisma as these special friends of hers always followed her around and liked to lay next to her when she was catnapping. In her senior years two kittens (a brother; Sir Simba and sister; She-ra) came to live with us. She tolerated them; many times patient and okay with them in her space, but sometimes would hiss at Sir to keep him in line and to make sure he knew who the Queen cat boss was. She-ra loved Lily soooo much. She wanted to eat next to her and sunbathe (sleep) next to her. She wanted to always be where Lily was, and she was very respectful of Lily and her space. I was happy that Lily had a wonderful friend when her time came to transition. At this point neither Sir or She-ra has eaten much since Lily died two days ago. She-ra looks for her everywhere.

Lily was also my great helper. She loved to garden with me and she was very helpful by keeping me company when I had to pull pesky weeds. She especially loved little walks to our mailbox and sniffing our neighbor's bushes, which she loved to languish in for awhile until I would pick her up and take her home. One very interesting thing happened three days before she passed away. I was outside pulling weeds and four times I had to go pick her up from across the street at our friend's house. Lady, one of Lily's cat friend's lived there. I didn't put two and two together at first. It was only very early the next morning when I had to go over and pick her up again from Lady's house that I started to think that maybe she wanted to visit Lady and was there to say hello. Unfortunately, the picture became clearer for me the following day after Lily passed away, it was then that I realized Lily was insistent to say goodbye to Lady (sadly not hello). Previous to this incident she had never gone across the street like that, ever...not until those last three days before her passing.

Lily had gotten Kidney disease six months ago and I wish I was a better Mother to her. I tried many things to help my baby girl, but I did not try everything, and looking at my notes as I was cleaning my desk up I found things I wanted to try but forgot about as they got buried deep under other paperwork. I feel I failed her in this way.

Every night Lily and I slept together. I would call out "Seep, Seep" and she would jump up on my legs and stretch out for the night's slumber. The only nights we wouldn't sleep this way was when I was away. The night before she died, she seemed very fragile and weak (usually she seemed this way when I administered her SubQ fluids). Fearing that she'd fall off the bed and hurt herself again, I thought it best for her health if I didn't move her so she could get a good night's sleep in her cat cubby. I gave her kisses and pets and stayed with her for a few minutes and thought to myself; I'll wake up in a few hours and go sleep on the floor next to her. I woke up at about 3:30 and went to her side. I reached in to assure my girl that I was there. To my grief she had already passed away. I let her down. She deserved better. She deserved to have her Mommy with her at her transition. This is something I will never forgive myself for.

I hope she is playing on the Rainbow Bridge with her friends and without pain, and I hope that I will be deemed a good enough Mom that I will be able to get to see her, kiss her and hold her again on the Bridge.

I love you Lily, you are in my heart forever and ever! Seep, seep precious Lily...Seep seep.