We had never had a cat of our own before! Everything changed but in a really good way. You built a reputation for being a little fiesty. My friends heard stories of your antics and one time I even showed up to a Christmas party covered in bandages because you sunk your claws in a little too deep for some reason. Jimmy says I hated you back then but that's not true at all. You scared me a little especially after you bit Gianna! It was a really special relationship that we had with you, bug, because we were your world and you were ours. You loved us x10000 and everyone else was the devil. Some of Jimmy's friends didn't show fear towards you and that seemed to earn them some respect. And let's not forget that you were cuddling up to us within the first week. They were right, you were inherently so sweet. And that's how you stayed for the rest of our time together. Here are some things I love about you and will miss the most.

You were the most loyal cat imaginable. You hardly ever missed a night sleeping in bed with us. Often shoved right in between Jimmy and me, even if there wasn't much room to work with, you always found a way to be close to us. If not in between us, probably on top of us, maybe at the foot of the bed curled up. We figured you bent your sleep schedule to fit with ours so that we could snuggle all night. You had "your routine" where you'd hop into bed with us very excitedly, and once you made sure we were there to stay you'd go eat and maybe use the bathroom and come right back for the night. I got in the habit of checking to make sure you weren't about to be crushed by one of us in our sleep because you were almost always right there.

We said you were an "equidistant boy" because night or day, we often noticed that if you weren't snuggled up to one of us you were exactly halfway in between us, for example of Jimmy was on the computer and I was in the living room you'd lay down right in the hallway to keep an eye on us both.

Occasionally you'd mix it up and sit on my lap or better yet contort yourself into a weird crevice of my waist or legs, squeezing in with me by any means necessary. Or in Jimmy's case, you'd hop up onto his lap while he was on the computer (usually you had to mess around with his desk for a second but then you'd settle in the little space between his legs and his desk. Ridiculously cute).

But snuggly wasn't your only quality, not by a long shot. We also called you "impish" quite often because you were so playful, full of energy, and getting into things you shouldn't. I started building the catio this year because I felt you could really use some more space to play and enrichment. I'm so sorry you never got to experience that. You would hop up on places you weren't supposed to (see: Jimmy's desk, or the top of the shower door somehow). Sometimes just for attention but I think you liked exploring your world. You loved springs, feather toys, the laser pointer, and pretty much any toy we ever got you. You did zoomies so often that Stephanie was puzzled by all the noise you managed to make! Sometimes you'd parkour yourself all the way up the wall to the height of the light switch! You loved to go after things in your natural environment like the reflection of our phone on the living room wall around 2-4pm. That will remind me of you forever I think.

We called you Luna bug because you were a little bugger sometimes and you were a love bug or a snuggle bug. For whatever reason the nickname stuck and you responded to Bug just as readily as Luna. That reminds me, the stereotypes of cats not listening to their owners didn't apply to you. If we wanted to see you all we had to do was say Luna! Or buuuuug! Or any little sing song voice and you'd come running. You would definitely do this a lot when we called for Lily, because any chance at being with us was top priority for you!

It's hard to think of this letter to you as one I would write to a person, where I'd recount memories or events. With you it was more like a daily appreciation of your quirks and personality. I spent more time with you than any other living being in the last 5 years, even my husband. We hardly ever stopped talking about you. If you did a poop, ate some pebbles, slept in a cute way, found a new way to play, or just about anything else, it was breaking news in my and Jimmy's world. This is what makes me feel like you were my child. Although we couldn't speak to each other, I really feel that way. Day in and day out we loved and appreciated the shit out of you. We could never stay mad at you for more than a few minutes.

When we got home from work, 9/10 you came running to the door to greet us. Even better, every morning since we got Lily, if we didn't find you in the bed, I would peer out the bedroom door and be instantly greeted by you. Yes, you wanted breakfast, but it was the best part of my day. I even filmed it several times - walking to the door and finding you and Lily staring at me with big excited eyes.

I was severely depressed a few times throughout the covid pandemic, and I felt the most lifted out of it at the start of the new year this year in 2023. I told my therapist that getting out of bed wasn't hard for me anymore, and you and Lily were a huge reason for that. To lose you means to lose a reason I got up in the morning, and that is so painful for me right now.

Anyway, how could I forget what a vocal boy you were! I also have a lot of videos of you "yelling" at us. What is he saying? What does he want? "he just wants to be a part of it" was sometimes the answer, and in those cases you would let us pick you up and hold you while me and Jimmy caught up with each other's days. You didn't really like being picked up for the most part though. Especially if that meant nail clipping time.

And touching your belly, absolutely not! I always thought we could get you to cave on that one rule some day but sadly you stuck with it til the end. So many funny memories, even just super recently, of Jimmy playing with you by trying to touch your belly and you biting his hand (not hard) to play back. The love bites, too, omg. It took me a while to get used to them but I eventually fully embraced them. Because to me a love bite from you was your way of expressing that you were bursting at the seams with love for us and didn't know how else to show it. It's the same when I would pick you up and squeeze you just because it was all I could do to express that.

The end came way, way too soon for you, Bug. I'm struggling to forgive myself for that. I oscillate between remembering the good times and facing the bad day and all the guilt that's coming with what happened. We don't know for sure, but it sure looks like you took a little bite out of a lily flower I didn't know was there. I was sent flowers after my stroke, and anyone could've sent me flowers at any time for any reason, so I don't blame my friends at all. I'm even almost ready to stop blaming myself. Even without knowing the lily was there, I locked the flowers in the office and later moved them to the top of the pantry, thinking you couldn't get to them. If that's what you did, I never knew until it was too late. You showed no signs of distress, pain, or abnormal behavior. Vi thinks you must've passed away quickly and peacefully from a heart attack after your electrolytes were thrown off balance. If only there was some way we could've known. My last time seeing you alive and well was just hours before, the night before. You were kneading ("your mommy" as we called it, because you liked to add a lot of suckling action in there). It was so cute. I want to remember you like that, not how I found you that day. By writing this letter and putting together some pictures and videos of you, I'm hoping I can focus on the lovely, perfect time we had with you, instead of that day. I couldn't think of a worse thing to happen. If my worst enemy wanted me to feel the ultimate pain and suffering, taking away my immediate family or cats away from me would be a surefire way to do it. This is why I cycle through disbelief. Of all the things to wake up to, seeing you like that and seeing Lily worried by your side is absolutely the most gut wrenching and painful thing I could ever imagine. And I never imagined it, because who would? You were only 8 and we cared for you excessively. I'm so sorry I couldn't keep you safe, buddy. You liked to bite your sister Lily but I never thought biting a lily would be your demise.

I would never have predicted this and you didn't deserve it, but some platitudes and dissonance reducing thoughts have been in my head to help me go on. You were impish as hell, so I was always worried you'd get yourself hit by a car or something. It was in your personality to throw caution to the wind. As well, it makes me feel a tiny bit better to know that we loved the shit out of you daily. I never ever took you for granted. I couldn't bottle up the feeling I had knowing what our bond was, so I expressed it by talking about you (a lot), taking pictures and videos (a lot), and even printing out tons of pictures and creative ways to show off our handsome boy. It's hard to look at these now, but I don't want to forget you, so they will stay and hopefully bring me a little bit of happy nostalgia one day.

You were my best friend. Our first cat. We loved you. We saved you and gave you more years of life. That matters and I have to remember that. It feels wrong that you're not here, tangibly here. But you live on in my heart, in my thoughts and memories and photos and stories. Even that feels deeply wrong because moving on in life without you feels like a betrayal - to a cat who was loyal as hell. But I'm afraid that living in reality means it's the best I can do. I'm not ever going to forget you or replace you. You are simply irreplaceable. But I hope you understand that we have to be strong for Lily and continue giving her the best life we can even without you here. This might entail getting her a friend so that she can play and be a little less lonely.

Lily loved you so much too. You were the best big brother. You showed her how to be a cat! You tried to play with her which looked like beating her up a lot of the times, but she didn't care. Upon seeing you her tail would go up in the air with happiness. You taught her how to beg for food, and she got a lot better at it! You even started snuggling with her recently, joining her in her bed, always seeming to be the initiator. I feel you were trying to get her to trust us and be more comfortable sharing space with others. We thank you so much for that.

I know time will heal, and even though my life will never be the same, I don't regret a single day. Even with all this pain I'd still do it all over again. Since you were a cat and not a person, I'm not sure how much you ever thought about my happiness and growth as a person. But I'd like to think that in the cat-like way that you loved me to the max (you were obsessed with me Jimmy used to say), you would want me to be happy even with you gone. The times where I've felt okay recently were only because I was distracted. I always knew this day would come and I would dread it all the time. But I'm certainly glad you didn't seem to suffer in the end. Crazily enough you may have saved some other cat lives, because my friends and their friends now know the dangers of flowers in the house, especially lilies.

I will continue to fill in some of my favorite memories and mannerisms that came from our too short but fulfilling time together, as they come to me. I don't want to push those thoughts away, so I will write them here for safe keeping.

Luna Bug, larger than life from 2015-2023, rest peacefully and we love you so much forever buddy. ❤️🐛

Good memories con't:

You were so damn soft! I always wondered how it was possible for a cat to be just so soft. I loved petting you and you loooooved being petted. You especially loved chin scratches and scritches near your mouth. Literally anywhere, except your belly, duh.

You loved bunting! You were a known bunter from the start because your paperwork from the shelter said so.

When you were really into playing (or wanted to sneak attack us) you would crouch down super low and wiggle your butt with huge pupils!

You were the original lover of the scratching post basket. Lily loves it too. You would hop up there and curl into a perfect cat circle. You also were pretty decent at loafing and I'd often find you doing that near the door waiting for Jimmy to get home.

I couldn't use my can opener without you showing up. The funniest part is that we never fed you canned food! It was almost always tomatoes or beans or something and I'd let you sniff it to have proof that I wasn't jipping you. On the off chance it was tuna you loved to have some of the juice in a little bowl as a treat.

I just remembered that the last time you were at the vet, you were such a well behaved boy and I was so proud of you. You came such a long way with your behavior and it made my heart swell to see you being so sweet and docile.

We loved your little white hairs, maybe like a few dozen total. And omg your speedo! The white part of your undercarriage was a unique trait of yours. You appeared all black but you had that little fluffy white spot which was so cute.

We used to call you our $40 boy because that was your adoption fee. We loved to make fun of you in an endearing way, like you would poke fun at your sibling or best friend in a depricating way only because you loved them. Jimmy said you took being a cat too seriously (because you were just really good at it tbh).

That little gallop you would do when you wanted us to follow you.

"He loves kisses" we'd say after kissing your little head a million times. Your wrinkly forehead!

You loved hair elastic and smelling / eating / rubbing Jimmy's hair (sometimes mine) after we showered. You always had to mark your scent on us I guess!

I miss your little snores. I miss the way you would show us your belly to convey the utmost trust even though we weren't supposed to touch it. It was so soft.

You used to take my place in bed when I got up, right against my pillow, looking the most comfy and spending quality time with your dad.